Thursday, October 30, 2008

What constitutes cheating?

The Duchess of Kickball asked this question yesterday... and I thought I'd further this conversation over here, since I didn't really want to write a novel in her comments.

I had a problem with this once. I'd like to say that I have never, would never cheat. It's a pretty shameful thing. Because it happened so long ago, I tend to forget it ever happened in the first place. It wasn't that I'd go around making out with other guys at parties or anything. It wasn't a physical thing at all. If you don't kiss, it's not cheating, right?


It was purely an emotional thing. It started out fairly innocently as a friendship, became a little flirty, turned into something where I would tell this other person things I wouldn't tell my boyfriend at the time. The Other just seemed to get me. He was supportive. He listened to what I had to say. He gave advice only when it was solicited, and when he did, it was only a suggestion and not that he was telling me what to do. All excellent qualities that were lacking in my relationship.

In my opinion, that's how cheating works. You find someone who has something that your relationship or significant other doesn't. Whether it's that emotional, supportive relationship or whether it's a chemistry, sexual attraction type of relationship. Anything that you feel like you have to hide from a significant other should be a big, red flag that something is going on that's not on the up-and-up.

It doesn't even necessarily mean that the person you are with is not the person you should be with. It could just mean that you have to work at taking those things that you crave from someone else and find a way to incorporate them into your existing relationship. Communicate.

Though, on the other hand, it could be a sign that you're just not as compatible with your boyfriend as you initially thought. It's easy to hide the problems in a person when you're getting satisfaction elsewhere. There's no reason to break up with him, was a common excuse for me. On top of that, everyone I knew thought we were so perfect together. I forgot that the whole getting-my-support-elsewhere thing was perfect reason to break up.

Bottom line is: if you feel like things are less than optimal in the relationship you've got either attempt to fix them or get out. Cheating is not just a sexual thing, it's any relationship where there's "more than friendship" going on.

1 comment:

The Male Perspecitve said...

I don't know if you would be interested but I have a blog that is all about the mind of a cheating guy. I just started it and will add a post every 3 days. You can go to it here:

I used to be one of the bad guys you probably know. Check it out, there is only one post right now but if you sign up for the alerts, you will be notified when i write a new one every few days. Hope it helps!