Saturday, April 25, 2009

When to give in. When to give up.

I used to be an idealist. I believed that in the end everything works out for the best. I believed that good things come to those who wait. I believed that everyone could be good, you just had to give them the chance. I believed that good ideas achieve good results.

Now? I'm much more cynical. 

I like to think that I'm a realist. I trained myself to be. I was aware of my airy-fairy unicorns-and-rainbows type of thinking (blame the small town if you want). I looked for dissenting opinion on issues I cared about (from my cynical friend, the rich Alberta boy down the street in university with a life totally opposite from my own, and the Globe and Mail). And in the end, it grounded me. I learned to fully investigate my ideas and beliefs. Though really, it could also be the philosophy minor speaking.

Sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by those idealists still. The ones with big goals, but who care more about the fluffy, feel-good stuff and gloss over the details. When I ask questions I get "so and so is working on it" or "don't worry, this event will be awesome" instead of real answers. I know that my opinions are unpopular, and as a result they make me unpopular. It doesn't go unnoticed that I was the last person to be invited for drinks. More as a courtesy than legitimate invitation.

I feel like people think they're doing more than they really are. I feel like by merely talking about things here and there, they can justify not actually doing that which is discussed. I feel myself getting more and more frustrated and angry with every new task that's thrown upon my shoulders. I feel more irate after every meeting. I reign in the need to strangle those who claim that they don't have enough to do. I nearly punch them in the neck when I ask them to do something for me and they come back with "oh, you would ask me to do that, wouldn't you?" before they decline. "Anything but that."

But how much is too much?

How do you know when to give up on the good intentions that brought you here in the first place? When do you disassociate yourself with something you believe in, merely because you find it makes you a bad person in every aspect of your life?

As life gets busier, I find myself looking forward to the excuses. Maybe that's enough.


Kyla Roma said...

These people are so hard to deal with - I think I'm like you, grounded and opinionated.

It's hard.

I think, for me, what makes me happy is knowing who I am. I don't have to always disagree loudly when I disagree with someone- I can joke, and I can stay quiet- but I have high standards and at the end of the day my co-workers and friends who don't? We probably won't get along in the long term.

Wherever you're working, make yourself as comfortable as you can - listen to good music, bring our favourite snacks, and leave at lunch every day you can. Don't let them get you down - but if they're as bad as they sound, pick your battles and know that you're doing well. In the end, that's all you can do.

That and drink on gchat with me. Just a suggestion! ;)

Anonymous said...

Ooo girl.. I think we had this discussion.. So if I know what this is about.. yeeps. We can discuss Wednesday. Perhaps over wine, not coffee? Joeys?