on writing

I've been thinking a lot lately about writing. Mainly because I had to read this George Orwell article for class last semester. I've found that my writing has been influenced (for the worse) by the approved messaging we work off of for work. I've merely let the words come to me for so long because they're there and they're accepted rather than reaching out and grabbing new ones.

I encourage everyone to read the article (it is hilarious); however, if you don't have time at least read this excerpt.

What is above all needed is to let the meaning choose the word, and not the other way around. In prose, the worst thing one can do with words is surrender to them. When you think of a concrete object, you think wordlessly, and then, if you want to describe the thing you have been visualizing you probably hunt about until you find the exact words that seem to fit it. When you think of something abstract you are more inclined to use words from the start, and unless you make a conscious effort to prevent it, the existing dialect will come rushing in and do the job for you, at the expense of blurring or even changing your meaning. Probably it is better to put off using words as long as possible and get one's meaning as clear as one can through pictures and sensations. Afterward one can choose -- not simply accept -- the phrases that will best cover the meaning, and then switch round and decide what impressions one's words are likely to make on another person. This last effort of the mind cuts out all stale or mixed images, all prefabricated phrases, needless repetitions, and humbug and vagueness generally.

Being Canadian, it didn't cross my mind that yesterday was a holiday for our American neighbours. Not until this email from my favourite professor hit my inbox. As I shared his story with you, I thought I'd also send these quotes your way.

Since I heard kind words from many of you upon our discussion of the contribution of the Rev. Martin Luther Kind, Jr., to communication and the world, I thought it might be acceptable to send you a greeting on this day that in the United States officially honors him.

I hope this day finds you well and dedicated. Here are a few thoughts from Dr. King.

"I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality.... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant."
--Martin Luther King Jr., Nobel Peace Prize Acceptance Speech, Dec. 10, 1964

"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools."
--Martin Luther King Jr.

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
--Martin Luther King Jr.

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends."
--Martin Luther King Jr.

"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance andconscientious stupidity."
--Martin Luther King Jr.

Mass media and its impact on women

I had to share these paragraphs by Susan Douglas. I agree with her so completely; there's no other way to demonstrate than simply to give you the text. My brain doesn't really turn off these days and it might burn out.

..."We have become alienated from our own bodies. We have learned to despise the curves, bulges, stretch marks, and wrinkles that mean we've probably worked hard in and out of our homes, produced some fabulous children, enjoyed a good meal or two, tossed back a few drinks, laughed, cried, gotten sunburned more than once, endured countless indignities, and, in general, led pretty full and varied lives."

..."The mass media raised us, socialized us, entertained us, comforted us, deceived us, disciplined us, told us what we could do and told us what we couldn't. And they played a key role in turning each of us into not one woman but many women -- a pastiche of all the good women and bad women that came to us through the printing presses, projectors, and airwaves of America."

..."Most women take for granted their own conflicted relationships to the mass media. They assume they are the only ones who love and hate Vogue at the same time, the only ones riddled with internal contradictions about whether to be assertive or diplomatic, gentle or tough. And too many assume that such contradictory feelings are unusual, abnormal. They aren't."

Susan Douglas, Media: A Girl's Friend and Foe

Quote of the day: Mark Twain

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

Mark Twain

He's a spider on the web

The Boy reads my blog (hi honey!) so it's not uncommon to have a conversation that stems from what I've posted during the day.

We were talking about just how many people commented on my request for music post (thank you, thank you, thank you*) when I pulled up my Google Analytics.

"Oh wow, you can get all that info?"

I thought I'd show him one better and pointed out where most of my traffic comes from (his work server) and how people find me. We found some weird search terms.

a part of you has grown in me
admiring the struggle it takes to be human
boob mail banner girl
boys resting on girls boobs photos
engineering girl boobs
never judge people
New Zealand picnic pictures
small girl boobs
And my favourite... small talk makes me want to cry

I made some comment about how many people seem to be looking for boobs and he comes out with this little gem, "Well, you know, when you search for 'misadventures of elle bee' a porn site comes up."**

Ah, frack.

*I officially have a girl crush on Jenny Lewis.

**Of the entire page of search results, the porn site is number three. I am the rest of the page. Also, in case you think I've been posting my more scandalous misadventures elsewhere, that site is totally not me. That I know of.

"The beauty of the world about us is only

according to what we ourselves bring to it."

Shaker saying

"It is never too late--

in fiction or in life--

to revise."

Nancy Thayer

“Maybe we’re not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we’re thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we’re thankful for the things we’ll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.” Grey's Anatomy

I get homesick and whiny when I'm suffering the plague

"You can kiss your family and friends goodbye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you." Frederick Beuchner

Keeping with the conversation on Feminism...

This makes me so ridiculously happy, even though it is in a country that is not my own.

The F-word

There's been an ongoing discussion over the past couple days, spawned by the lovely Sarah about the big F-word. Feminism.

International Women's Day seems to have gotten more than a few of us thinking about feminism: where it's going, where it's been, and if we agree. I've already blabbered on enough both in Sarah's comments and on the 20-Something Bloggers' discussion board.

To sum things up: yeah, I'm a feminist. I think that all women are, deep down. Feminism, to me, is not about refusing to shave your legs, or burning your bras -- I would fail miserably if that were the case. It's about wanting the best for all women (and even men). It's about standing up and supporting other women around you. It's about the desire not necessarily to be treated exactly the same as men, but to be given the same consideration, respect and opportunity. It's about being able to make your own choices and be confident in those decisions. It's about being able to walk down the street with your head held high because yes, you can do anything you set your mind to.

All this talk about the F-word has taken me back to my undergrad days. I minored in philosophy, because I'm somewhat of a nerd and I found that a lot of my electives quickly became philosophy courses. Those philosophy courses included women's studies and feminist philosophy and both enraged and thrilled me (which is probably why I kept enrolling in them).

One of the best things I took from my first year women's studies course was this poem:

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou

An unexpected love letter

Dear Roomie's Boyfriend,

I don't know if you know this, but you are pretty great. My girl has been through a lot of crappy men in her lifetime, and it pleases me to no end that you are not another one of Them. You listen to what she has to say, you get her, and most importantly, you give her a break from feeling like she needs to fix people all of the time. You make sure she makes time for herself.

I know many of Roomie's friends haven't been super supportive, or confident, in this relationship. Age difference has that effect on people. The thing with our girl though is, while she can be immature at times, she is grown up beyond her years. Antoine de Saint-Exupery said that love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction. I feel like, for the first time in as long as I've known her, she finally has that. Actually, I don't just feel it, I know it.

Roomie is pretty outgoing, she's known for being sexually adventurous and open, she's honest about everything and keeps nothing hidden. I've heard more than I ever wanted to know about her boyfriends' man parts. But you know what? I haven't heard about yours. Don't think that I want to hear about yours (gross!), but I think that this is pretty significant. Instead of bragging about the size of your meat, or complaining because the lack thereof, she talks about how amazing it is to kiss you. Previously, she had mentioned that she didn't understand the big deal about kissing, that its place is as the precursor to the main event. But with you, it's all she talks about. How sweet you are, how she gets butterflies when your lips touch and how being with you is unlike anything she's ever felt.

Our girl tends to lose herself in relationships. She feels the need to censor herself, or devote all of her time and attention to the new guy, or hide some awesome part of her that he's not keen on. The best thing I could ever say about your relationship is that this doesn't happen. She's still the old roomie, her completely lovely self. I love that you want to meet her friends, and that you invited the Boy and I along to the comedy club last week. I love that you're coming to our not-really-fancy-but-kinda-pretend-fancy wine and cheese party this weekend, meeting lots of people who you've never met before. You realize that Roomie's friends are important to her, and you encourage her to keep those relationships alive. Even better, you want to get to know the people she talks about.

I just wanted to let you know that I really hope you are The One for her. She's found a good thing in you, and you've definitely found something wonderful in her.

...And if you ever break her heart, I will cut you.

xoxo, Elle

First day of school

I believe in pink, I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.

Audrey Hepburn

I'm jittery, and it's not just the three cups of coffee I've drank today. My prettiest notebook has been carefully packed alongside my camera for my first night of school. It's like this for every new course, every new beginning. Butterflies in my stomach and a yearning to soak up as much knowledge as possible. I read my manual at lunch and can't wait to skip out the doors when the day is done. Sure, I haven't slept much and my body aches from the abuse it took at soccer last night. No subs is bad news, as are rough players on the other team. But for once in the past couple days, I'm not craving dreamworlds and my warm, cozy, albeit broken, bed.

Also of note, my first kiss was showcased on the 20-Something Bloggers' blog for the January Blog Carnival. You should read the other entries here, they are awesome and will have you aching for summer lovin', which happens so fast.

If

This week's Monday Memories is not a cop out, I swear. I've been busy at work, and at life, but the following is something I've been meaning to post for a long time. It was one of the first poems that really spoke to me, I'm pretty sure it had some influence over both my writing and the kind of life I wanted to lead.

This poem is one of those things that serves to ground me when I get stressed out. It's relaxing to recite the words over in my head, calming my nerves. It sends me back to the primary grades, where it was initially taught, and then forward to fifth grade when we were forced to memorize and recite poetry. It's always been a favourite, so today, dear readers, I'm sharing it with you... in hopes that you'll share your favourites back.

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Rudyard Kipling

Also, check out the video I posted over at www.intervivos.ca. A co-worker emailed it to me this morning and it just amazed me.

Quote of the day: heroes and she-roes

"How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes!" Maya Angelou

I've already discussed one of my "she-roes" in detail on this blog. That would be the Mamma. There are no famous people that I aspire to be like, or that I idolize. I admire Margaret Thatcher's tenacity, and the sauciness of women like Katharine Hepburn and Mae West. But that's about as far as it goes.

The women that I count as she-roes are merely women that I have come across in my daily life who are pretty damn amazing. They don't have assistants, they won't ever be seen on the front of the tabloids, and they are usually underappreciated and overworked.

They've been women who have restarted their lives from the ground after fleeing from an abusive relationship. They've been women who seem to have found the perfect work/life balance; being extraordinary PR gurus while being involved in the lives of their babies, too. They've been women who were single mothers while getting their own business off the ground, battling everything themselves and succeeding. They've been women who have done all of these things on their own, only to find love later and stay independent ass-kicking rockstars. They've been women who have always had a kind word for me, or have made themselves available when I've needed advice. They've been women who have encouraged me to follow my dreams, even if it meant leaving my comfort zone.

Since it's apparently national de-lurking day at some point this week (I've seen blogs say yesterday and others say today), come out of the woodwork and leave a comment about one of your own heroes or she-roes.

Also, while you're at it, check out http://www.intervivos.ca/, I write over there too. interVivos is Edmonton-based but it doesn't mean that you can't comment from anywhere in the world. Today's blog is about Canadians (but also applies to Americans, or anyone else) losing faith in politics.

Christmas wishlist, by sense

"Every sense hath been o'erstrung, and each frail fibre of the brain sent forth her thoughts all wild and wide." Lord Byron

This post is in continuation of the 20-Something Bloggers' December Blog Carnival. The topics up for grabs were:

• A wishlist of things you want that are free.
• A wishlist of five items, one for each sense.
• A wishlist of things you would sneak under the tree for yourself, age 13.

My post on the latter can be found here. What follows is my wishlist of five items, one for each sense. Unintentionally, all of these items are also free. Kind of. Without further ado, five sense-related items on my wishlist.

Sight: The expression on the faces of those I love while they open their gifts from me. I love when I get someone a present that I know they’ll love. Something that they aren’t expecting that will cause their eyes to light up and a smile to their face. Or tears, if it’s the momma. I’m excited to see the reactions to gifts I’m giving my friends and the Boy, hopefully cementing my own belief that I did a pretty bang-up job this year.

Smell: Lilies. This time of year is a little hard, since it’s around this time that my Grandpa passed away. His gardens were always so beautiful, his lilies so tall, everything so lush. Lilies also remind me of home. My mom’s beautiful lily garden. Her annoyance when cross-pollination occurs (I still like "mingling", Kaye) and all the lilies come up orange. They remind me of family and freedom. Running about outside with the wind in my hair. Smelling the flowers and nearly falling face-first into the garden. Because that’s how I roll.

Touch: Hugs. I am a touchy person, and the holidays are all about friends and family. I’m excited to see my friends this weekend for the Ugly Sweater Christmas Party the Roomie and I are hosting. Hugs all around for those I love. Excited to snuggle up with the Boy. Even excited to see his parents for Christmas, who always make me feel as welcome as my own family.

Sound: It’s a toss up. I absolutely love the sound of laughter. The sound of people coming together and sharing stories, memories, and new experiences. But then, I also want to hear the sound of my sister’s voice, “I wanna talk about boys!” as she crawls into my bed late at night. Our Christmas tradition was a sisterly sleepover/slumber party. Which meant the three of us staying up way too late, giggling and gossiping, saying our prayers together. Usually we were shushed more than once, or sternly commanded to go to sleep. Then, we’d get up early in the morning to look at our presents and help get breakfast organized. The lack of this Christmas tradition has me particularly homesick this year.

Taste: Gingerbread, whether it’s in cookie or latte form. This treat contains the very essence of Christmas. Just as the smell of lilies brings memories rushing back, the taste of gingerbread makes the holiday real. Memories of creating houses in days gone by, or the excitement on old Roomie Tim’s face as I called him upstairs in our house on Maitland Street to cut out his own holiday shapes.

"Love is of all the passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses." Lao Tzu

Quote of the Day

 "Well-behaved women seldom make history."

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

I've been reading

Carlo Marx and I once sat down together, knee to knee, in two chairs, facing, and I told him a dream I had about a strange Arabian figure that was pursuing me across the desert; that I tried to avoid; that finally overtook me just before I reached the Protective City. "Who is this?" said Carlo. We pondered it. I proposed it was myself, wearing a shroud. Something, someone, some spirit was pursuing all of us across the desert of life and was bound to catch us before we reached heaven. Naturally, now that I look back on it, this was only death: death will overtake us before heaven. The one thing that we yearn for in our living days, that makes us sigh and groan and undergo sweet nauseas of all kinds, is the remembrance of some lost bliss that was probably experienced in the womb and can only be reproduced (though we the to admit it) in death. But who wants to die?

-- On the Road, Jack Kerouac

"To fulfill a dream, to be allowed to sweat over lonely labor, to be given the chance to create, is the meat and potatoes of life. The money is the gravy. As everyone else, I love to dunk my crust in it. But alone, it is not a diet designed to keep body and soul together." -- Bette Davis

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."