I've taken off more time than I should. I've taken time to reconnect in the offline world. I've knit B a hat and crocheted many granny squares. I've been visiting with old friends and rocking out. I've been on the phone and communicating via email with people I've missed; hopefully, I'll keep this up.

There are too many lovely people in my life that I don't want these friendships to slide. School is important, but so is my support network.

I need to make time to connect with people, crochet, bake cookies and beat B at Scrabble. Otherwise, it's not worth it.

I left the building shortly after I got off the phone. I flung my head back and took deep breaths; the tiny flakes stung my face. Happily ever after is crumbling all around me. The people I love are starting over after collecting the dog(s), the soulmate, and the dream house.

A coworker commented recently that they read an article that cited most people break up between Christmas and Valentine's Day. As I trudged through the fresh snow to the train station, I thought of all the recent phone calls I've had like this one. The phone calls to tell me that their fairy tale has ended.


My heart was heavy in my chest as I got off the train at my stop. Then I saw the kissy lips and the smile through the car window before I opened the door. I've kissed a lot of frogs, and I am certain that I've found my bliss.

on writing

I've been thinking a lot lately about writing. Mainly because I had to read this George Orwell article for class last semester. I've found that my writing has been influenced (for the worse) by the approved messaging we work off of for work. I've merely let the words come to me for so long because they're there and they're accepted rather than reaching out and grabbing new ones.

I encourage everyone to read the article (it is hilarious); however, if you don't have time at least read this excerpt.

What is above all needed is to let the meaning choose the word, and not the other way around. In prose, the worst thing one can do with words is surrender to them. When you think of a concrete object, you think wordlessly, and then, if you want to describe the thing you have been visualizing you probably hunt about until you find the exact words that seem to fit it. When you think of something abstract you are more inclined to use words from the start, and unless you make a conscious effort to prevent it, the existing dialect will come rushing in and do the job for you, at the expense of blurring or even changing your meaning. Probably it is better to put off using words as long as possible and get one's meaning as clear as one can through pictures and sensations. Afterward one can choose -- not simply accept -- the phrases that will best cover the meaning, and then switch round and decide what impressions one's words are likely to make on another person. This last effort of the mind cuts out all stale or mixed images, all prefabricated phrases, needless repetitions, and humbug and vagueness generally.

I should just give you all my password

Apparently I'm into showing off my email. Here's one I received today; it was sent to me and my siblings.

Well gang,
I have submitted my papers for the 2010 Election for the position of Mayor.
Should be interesting,
xoxo Mom

I couldn't be more proud.

Being Canadian, it didn't cross my mind that yesterday was a holiday for our American neighbours. Not until this email from my favourite professor hit my inbox. As I shared his story with you, I thought I'd also send these quotes your way.

Since I heard kind words from many of you upon our discussion of the contribution of the Rev. Martin Luther Kind, Jr., to communication and the world, I thought it might be acceptable to send you a greeting on this day that in the United States officially honors him.

I hope this day finds you well and dedicated. Here are a few thoughts from Dr. King.

"I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality.... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant."
--Martin Luther King Jr., Nobel Peace Prize Acceptance Speech, Dec. 10, 1964

"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools."
--Martin Luther King Jr.

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
--Martin Luther King Jr.

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends."
--Martin Luther King Jr.

"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance andconscientious stupidity."
--Martin Luther King Jr.

Not that long ago, when someone hosted a party there would be jello shots and keg stands. Taxi numbers would be programmed into cell phones in advance or alternate sleeping arrangements would be made.

Now, we're getting to a point where parties consist of gathering around a newborn and oooh-ing and aaah-ing over a tiny dimpled cheek or miniature fingernails. "I hope I was allowed to bring beer to this party," says a friend as he sets down four cans of brew.

Talk turns to law school, masters programs, wedding plans and babies. New moms hover over the baby monitor, pushing buttons. "We're so exciting," one giggles.

Combating the winter blahs

As I mentioned in my last post, I was a disaster last week. I was stressed out and cried a lot and surprisingly, but coming to work on Friday actually made me feel better. I share an office with a girl who I absolutely love. She may have started out as a coworker, but she's become a real outside-of-work friend.

We've recently made our office a bit more homey and colourful. Our whole office, from the walls to the cabinets, is this terrible boring beige.

We hung silver and red balls of various shapes from the ceiling with various lenths of ribbon. Then we realized that from this one ball in the centre, we can see our whole office! People comment how it finally looks like Christmas in here, but we needed colour. And we'll add more colours as we come across them.

On Thursday, we were having a crap day at work. We went to the grocery store at lunch and purchased fancy cheese and crackers (best work pick-me-up ever) and this $2 pot of tulips. They're now three times the size they were on Thursday and they've bloomed -- it's crazy. We have many plants in our office but they're all just green; it's fun to have some flowers.

Our boss was off on stress leave for a little bit, and my darling office mate asked her if she was happy to be back the other day. Boss thought for a second, closed our door behind her, and said, "Truthfully, I didn't want to come back, but I've missed you guys so much! I almost emailed you on Christmas..." It's how I feel somedays. I love my job, but even on days I don't, I work with such incredible, happy, inspiring people that I still enjoy coming here.

Twenty-ten

[Peggy's Cove via The.Rohit on Twitter]

Last week I was in a real funk. I don't like to whine and complain, but it seems like all I did was cry last week. I was stressed over school, the hormones were raging, and it seemed like stupid people were popping up in every aspect of my life. On top of all of that, messages of breakups kept rolling in about friends who were previously engaged and/or living with their men. One of these in particular managed to completely break my heart. I was so sure that [the now ex]Roomie had managed to find something spectacular; I even wrote him a love letter!

Roomie is someone who deserves so much good, and I thought she finally had found a piece of that. She's so sweet, always puts everyone else first, is smokin' hot, and she's a domestic goddess; she's been through a lot of crap in her life, brushes it off, picks herself back up and moves on with a smile. Tonight I'm pouring the wine and hearing the full tale. I only hope I can provide a fraction of the support that she gives to everyone else in her life.

When the sadness rolls in, I've got to try to see the bright side of things. I also need to remember that I signed up for school; essays aren't something horrible being done to me.

Every year becomes the best one yet and this one is no exception. Twenty-ten will be full of fun things like concerts (Muse and U2), shows (Chicago and Sweeny Todd), and cross-Canada journeys (so far: Fernie, B.C. for a week of snowboarding and mountains in February; Halifax, N.S. for a week in June -- I'll get to see the lovely Andrea!; home to Ontario for my cousin's wedding in August; and Victoria, B.C. for three more weeks of intensive learning in October). This year is literally a Canadian coast-to-coast adventure! This year I'll complete more than half of my Masters and I'll have logged over 3 years with my Love.

I just hope that all my friends get to be this blissful.

What are you looking forward to in 2010?

I:
a) take pictures of myself in front of the kitchen,
b) apparently look a little cross-eyed at 6 a.m., and
c) crochet things.

Resolute

I don't do new year's resolutions. I've found there are so many little things that pop up that I want to do, or changes I want to make, that it's best if I just adopt new things when the mood hits.

Weird things, too. For example, so far, I've curled my hair 3 out of 4 days in 2010.

I've made a kick-ass scarf that I absolutely love (really that was back in 2009, when we were at home in Ontario with no Internet) and I'm making B a hat. With cables. And I taught myself how to make mittens with cables. The way I make mittens is so easy, but they're also made the same way for the right and the left hand... so unless someone wanted a cable on the back of one hand and the palm of the other, I really had to think about this one. I love yarn crafts and I want to do more of them. This year I may or may not go through my yarn stash and a) figure out what I shall use each skein for (I see more socks in my knitting future) or b) get rid of it.

I want to not procrastinate so much, but this is an ongoing thing for me. I have to work harder at it. It was so easy to get assignments done days in advance when I was in Victoria; now, not so much. I'm facing three 2,000 word essays due in four days and I'm freaking out a little bit (but probably not as much as I should be... there's still time!).

I want to wake up early. I make this goal every night before bed. And usually I fail. I've learned that breakfast helps. And coffee. Lots of coffee. I've adapted my work schedule, effective today, that I get to work a half-hour early and bank that time to take days off every now and then for school. Motivation!

I also always want to be a better blogger, write more letters to my far away friends (email me your address!), and remember to wear lip gloss/lipstick.

It's worth having cross-country friends if only for the hilarious drunken messages

Calling to wish you Merry Christmas?... No, HAPPY NEW YEAR! I think it's a Happy New Year! *giggles*

HAPPY MERRY NEW YEAR!