Monday, May 11, 2009

Pretty in pink

I'm thankful for good friends. For a boss who is so supportive of me and my future. For a co-worker who surprised me with these lovely pink tulips on Thursday afternoon, when I was having a bad day. For the most fabulous boyfriend, who listens to my fears, my worries, my hopes, my desperation and quietly says, "we'll find a way".

The weekend was busy enough. Traveling from downtown to the northeast end and back. Rock Band. Walks and talks with ma petite soeur. Pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream. Catching up on Grey's Anatomy. A barbeque with the baby club, thankful to have the sister who is also not pregnant. Games. Phone calls to mommies. Painted nails. Reading until 10 p.m. on the balcony with a glass of wine. Snuggled up to the one who makes me happiest at the end of the day.

Kitty and I have had such different experiences with the mothership, and I must admit, sometimes I am envious of what they have. I'm envious of the fact that I've been gone for seven years without so much as a visit, but Kitty moves here for the summer and the momma automatically claims this is the summer she'll come. The momma cries because she can no longer call up Kitty and go for dinner, or shopping, or whatever and part of me wishes that she felt that way for me. I wish that she could see me for who I am and be proud of that. Not the money, or the good job, but me. Truth be told, our relationship may just be better from a distance. She's the one person in the world who has the ability to tear down in minutes all the confidence I've taken years to build.

It doesn't matter that I used to be the only one to remember Mother's Day presents, or that I still take a lead role in organizing the celebration of her. It doesn't matter that she doesn't agree with my education, but that I will always use it to benefit her when she needs my help. I hear some of the things she says about me, and they break my heart. I feel like this summer I need to prove to Kitty that I'm not that person.

I wish she could just love me like I love her.

3 comments:

Kyla Roma said...

Aw sweetie - that's so hard. I can't even begin to imagine what she could disagree with you over as far as your education, and you're doing so well! I guess we all have those little mysteries in our relationships, right?

From one girl who has a challenging relationship with her mom to another, you're a wonderful person and you mom does understand that in her way...even if her way isn't the way you want her to understand it.

mieletcannelle said...

*hug* I have the same relationship with my Dad. I guess.. I guess what I've come to realise is that unfortunatly, they're adults too, with their personal preferences as to the type of person they like.. and it may not be me. I hate it, but at the same time, I know he loves me. He just might not like me so much. Which, as far as I can tell, is helping me deal. *hug*

Liz said...

You are such a lovely person... as far as I can see... you dont need to prove anything to anyone! You're just perfect the way you are! I'm sorry she doesnt see that.

And your boyfriend sounds like a keeper. :)

Hugs,
Liz