Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Girls, girls, girls.

I remember a time talking with the sisters about how awful boys are. The reality of the situation is that girls are so much worse than boys. They are catty and vindictive and they hurt our own gender far more than the opposite sex does. This has become glaringly obvious through conversations with one of my best girls... girl drama is the new boy drama. And it's completely ridiculous.

Why can't we be supportive of each other? Why must girls be so petty and jealous and vindictive? For the most part, I stray from these girls. I have my core little set who typically are the ones who have more guy pals than girl friends, who are always ready with a bottle of wine or an escape to a patio with a plethora of beer when you need it, either to celebrate or to get over a bad day. Ones who never throw out the "I told you so", even though they do have rockin' advice when it's needed.

Even in some of the confusion that has surrounded my little universe these days, it's not men that are the problem. I can handle men. I am not naive, I am realistic, I know who I am and know that things don't always go the way I want them to. I can accept that. I can exist in a world of unknowns. For now. It's the girl talk that has my head spinning and my soul aching to escape from this place.

It's the girl talk that makes me start questioning myself.

This weekend consisted of a glorious (though short) visit to Ontario to visit ma famille. It's kind of funny how I've barely been in this city for a year, and yet it feels so right. Even if I were to return to Ontario, I wouldn't move to my hometown. I couldn't. It's not who I am anymore. I'm not sure it's who I ever was. Though there are aspects of it that I love, love, love. I love the family. I love the seclusion of the farm (though there was a time in my youth when I absolutely detested this luxury). I love waking Kiki up to play catch on the lawn in our PJs because it's doesn't matter what you look like when no one can see you. I love my dog. I love the quiet. The escape. Nature.

And yet, I come back to the sirens and the hustle and bustle of a city of over a million... greeted by my buddies in the airport and swept off for a drink... and it just feels right. Someday I'll regain the peacefulness of my old life... but for now, the balcony suffices. Our glorious downtown balcony with our herb garden and barbeque.

With the last week at this department wrapping up and the permanent department on the horizon, the trip home only made me crave more of an escape. Plotting imaginary travels with one of my guy friends and squealing over the real to-be travel to Stampede with one of my best girls is just going to have to do for now.

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